you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize