my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize