i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
