Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
