i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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