Christians are straight up FREAKS
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
