i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
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She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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