Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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