so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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