yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
