i think my mom watched the whole time
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
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You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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