You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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