I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize