11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
