I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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