i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
