I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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