Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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