just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
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You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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