just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
