you didnt know i had herpes?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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