Acid is not a monday night drug
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
