everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
3pm strippers are depressing
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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