Just took my morning after pill in the library
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
