I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
