Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the day after is always just damage control
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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