hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
