During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
