I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
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I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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