she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
