I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
