my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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