I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
