I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize