There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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