After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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