thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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