Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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