first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
only if we run a train.
done.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
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We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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