Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
