i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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