Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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