I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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