I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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