I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize