first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
