Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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