How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
