I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
