If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
