Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
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Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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