Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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