And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
