Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
