well you can't waste a boner
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
