every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize